I hate every single thing about baby corn. There are only a handful of things in this world that I hate and baby corn tops the list. Candy Corn, equally cringeworthy, runs a razor thin second. Candy Corn shows it’s artificially sweet, oddly shaped, and unnaturally textured self throughout the month of October. One can go no more than two steps in a Tar-jay without being accosted by end caps filled with bags and bags of bull shigady candy corn.
In fact, as I think about it, the month of October brings out the a@*hole in everyone. You’ve got folks dressed up as Pennywise aka the scary AF clown every damn where. And let’s not even talk about the random red balloons in the burbs, in the city, and all points in between. All month, I’ve been trying to keep my ever loving shit together but it’s been a struggle. On top of all that, I’ve been bombarded with promos for every scary movie ever made, on every single channel, all the time. So to recap, we got candy corn falling from the sky, arses dressing up like my worst nightmare, and a plethora of scary movies all day and every day throughout the month of October.
I’m not sure if you can tell, but your one black friend is shook!
As I said, I’m doing my best, and trying to get by but this week I found out that October 30th has been deemed National Candy Corn Day. I don’t know when it officially happened nor do I care enough to find out, I just know it happened. Who is to blame for this sham of a holiday? Wayeminte, on second thought, don’t tell me! I’m a good christian and so as to avoid wishing hateful things which may or may not include explosive diarrhea; let me go on, not knowing.
Friends we have a big issue and National Candy Corn Day is just the tip of the iceberg. Worry now, because we’re in the middle of the “Too Muchness” period of human development. Never heard of too muchness? Well it’s sorta like the Roman Period but worse. By the way, grammarians, please refrain from attempting to correct me because “too muchness” is a thing.
Think of reality star turned rapper Cardi B. Think about every single housewife on Bravo’s flagship reality tv show franchise. Think about Kim Jong-un. Whilst we’re at throw in Anthony Scaramucci also known as “The Mooch”. Think about people who drive the speed limit even when no one else is on the road. Think about people who can’t dance but must take center stage at your best friend’s wedding to showcase their “moves”. Think the Kardashians, Caitlyn Jenner, Miley Cyrus oh and Paris Hilton when she was popping. Push all their collective foolishness and let all of that crazy with a side of wait what, settle for a minute. Do you see what I mean? This my friends is “too muchness”.
Back in 2016, when I was young and hopeful, I would observe and quickly brush whatever random crazy thing folks did. But it’s 2017 and everything is batshit crazy but on another level. The pace of said bat shit crazy is maddening. But what’s worse is the pattern of batshit crazy otherwise known as “too muchness”. It’s no longer acceptable to just be a little off. No, no, my friends, in 2017, people have committed to a cray cray pathology and I’m NOT here for it. I’m trying to maintain and so are you, but look at what we’re working with:
We’ve got National Candy Corn Day. This annual foolishness will now and forever more speak for its damn self. I’m not saying another damn thing about it.
We’ve got Chrisette Michele, an US based R & B singer. Earlier this week she shared the news of her untimely miscarriage on Instagram. On the surface it’s sad as it is but she opted to also post a photo of said miscarriage. But wait there’s more and because the internets is savage, the photo is supposedly someone else’s miscarriage and not the fledgling performer’s. Wait what? This is just the latest in a slew of wild and cray from this one.
We’ve got Kevin Spacey. He came out this week but only to diminish sexual harassment claims. Somebody tell Scissor Soze that being gay vs being a predator… um not the same thing. What’s worse is all the stories of his foul as shigady appetite for up and coming young actors. Think Harvey Weinstein aka “I must whip out my penis and force it on people” but in this case, primarily young men.
We’ve got the Mueller indictments and all the craziness associated with politics in the United States. This year has been full of crazy. Meanwhile, over at Fox News, something more disturbing happened. This week the fine people at this cable network opted to side step this breaking news. Instead they unearthed the “eval” associated with cheese burger emojis. The also covered the scandal, aka millennials ruining Halloween. I’m not making this up. Fox News is officially, now and forevermore, the Cheese Whiz of modern journalism.
This is just a few examples of too muchness from this week. Friends we’re smack dab in the middle of all the foolishness AND are you kidding me, all the time. Friends the human race has regressed. There is no appropriate way to deal with “too muchness”.
All we can do is shake our heads and carry on.
On the upside, we still have cartoons, babies, baby animals, brownies and wine to help us as we wait for the world to have its collective come to Jesus moment.